Beyond Measure
by Dejana Talis
Summary: A PGSM story. Nephrite finds it difficult to adjust to a world he never wanted to belong to, a world that seems to reject him as much as he rejects it. Fortunately, he is not as alone as he thinks.


Beyond Measure

A Sailormoon (PGSM) Fanfiction by Dejana Talis

* * *

It was green.

Nephrite straightened up and let out an exasperated sigh. It was hard to tell if he was even looking at the right patch of green. After so many, it was all starting to blend together. His back was aching from bending over, and straining his eyes was giving him a headache. He turned around and stalked away.

"Ah! Nephrin!" Motoki tore his eyes away from the turtle in the display case and hurried after the sour-faced man. "Done with this room?"

"Done with this place," Nephrite growled, "and don't call me that!" Motoki insisted on branding him with such ridiculous nicknames. It was infuriating. Nephrite had a fine name. A strong name.

A name that had become meaningless.

He gritted his teeth, but his rage was thrust aside by the harsh midday sunshine. With a snarl, he flung his hand across his eyes. The only good thing about the reptile house was that it had been dark.

"Aw, the European turtles were in the next room," Motoki sighed wistfully.

Why had he agreed to accompany Motoki on this worthless trip? He was Nephrite, one of the Four Kings! Beryl had no need for a man who could tell a Shanghai Softshell from a Sri Lankan Black. As soon as his powers were restored, he would destroy the whole useless lot of them, shells and all. He clenched his fists until his fingernails bit into his palm, covering ground so quickly that Motoki had to jog to keep up.

The beautiful weather only worsened Nephrite's mood. The sunlight stung his eyes. The laughter of children in the nearby park burned his ears. It was all so petty, so pointless. Soon Queen Beryl would be ruler over all of this, and he was stuck as part of it, as worthless as the humans that surrounded him.

"Nephrin, it's red!" Motoki called out from the curb, but the displaced Shitennou didn't hear him. He hated everything. Sunshine, children, crosswalks; most of all, those blasted turtles -

Screeching tires snapped Nephrite out of his gloom. He whirled around to see a car bearing down on him, horn blaring, driver stricken with panic. Automatically, Nephrite crouched down on the pavement and flung an arm across his face - before realizing, too late, that he no longer had an enchanted cape to protect him...

Something seized him by the elbow and yanked. Nephrite rolled forward, toward the curb, wind ripping at his back as the car squealed past him. His head smacked hard into the asphalt, and he blinked up at a stranger's face.

"What were you doing, idiot?" the man demanded. Nephrite could hear the driver screaming through her car window a short distance away.

"Let me go!" Nephrite snapped, getting to his feet. "Leave me alone!" His newly throbbing head added to his sour mood as he stomped away. Everyone was staring at him, whispering about him. They had all seen his weakness. He had had to be saved by some common human. Pathetic.

"Nephrin!" Motoki came running up, gasping for breath. Nephrite gritted his teeth. Couldn't the man just leave him alone?

"Are you okay?" Motoki gasped. "You could've been killed!"

"Yes..." Nephrite stopped short, provoking some more irritated words from fellow pedestrians who almost ran into him. He could have been killed. So easily, his life could have been snuffed out. Run over in the street like a dog. It was probably what he deserved.

"You're all right?" Motoki supplied. "Then, shall we go...?"

Nephrite resumed walking, but didn't hear another word Motoki said on their way back to Crown. In the Dark Kingdom, he had feared death, but now that he had been made human, he often wished Queen Beryl had killed him. But it was so easy all along. Another second, and that car might have ended Nephrite's meaningless existence. He could have been free.

* * *

Nephrite was still mulling things over when they reached the karaoke bar. It was several minutes before he realized Motoki was in a panic about something.

"Kamekichi!" Motoki wailed. "Kamekichi's gone!"

Nephrite blinked and looked around. A light fixture over the front counter had come loose and fallen, smashing one side of the aquarium. The turtle that lived there was nowhere in sight. Motoki was already searching for his pet, utterly frantic.

"Kamekichi! Kamekichi!" he called desperately, turning over boxes and books and piles of paperwork. "Help me find him! What if he's hurt, and crawled off somewhere and... and..."

"Who cares?" Nephrite blurted out grumpily. His head hurt. His shoulder was beginning to ache. He was tired of his worthless life, and the last thing he wanted to do was spend it turning Crown upside down looking for a useless animal. "What does it matter if some turtle dies?"

Motoki froze over the cardboard box he'd been searching. Slowly, he raised his head and focused a hard, cold stare on Nephrite. There were tears in his eyes.

"Get out."

Nephrite hesitated. "I-"

"Get out!" Motoki shouted. Nephrite had never seen him so angry. He turned and stomped off toward the back room where he lived, leaving Motoki to rip the office apart alone. Nephrite had never been kind to his host, but Motoki never turned him away, no matter what he said or broke. Now he had finally ordered him out, as Nephrite had always known he eventually would, and it was over a turtle? A pathetic creature that crawled on the ground?

Nephrite snatched up a bag and began stuffing in the few items he owned. Clothes, a few snacks, some stones... he'd always liked being in the company of stones, for some reason. About halfway through, he flung the bag aside and threw himself on the mat where he slept. Where was he going to go? The only other people he knew in this world were the Sailor Soldiers, and Endymion, who had already rejected him. There was no one in this world who cared if he lived or died.

All this over a turtle. Surely, Nephrite was at least worth more than a ground-crawling reptile? Yet here he was, packing to leave while Kamekichi was sought like a priceless treasure. Kamekichi was a mindless animal that could be replaced by the local pet shop with a day's pay. What value could such a creature possibly have? The world would never notice if Kamekichi disappeared... yet Motoki valued him, searched for him, cried over him. To Motoki, no other turtle would ever be the same. Because of Motoki, Kamekichi's life had value, even if he spent it doing nothing but sitting in a cage.

Nephrite, on the other hand, had no one who cared about him in the slightest. Not even himself.

He turned his head toward the only one of his possessions he intended to leave behind. Motoki had smiled when he'd given it to Nephrite, the fool. He had never seemed to grasp that Nephrite loathed mirrors.

He scowled as his gaze fell on his reflection. His hair, devoid of fire. His eyes, black and dark, all color gone. His clothes, plain and secondhand, lacking any of the adornments that were the privilege of his rank. He was like a spent piece of charcoal, burned up and tossed away. Powerless and disgusting. He was nothing, while a simple turtle was everything, even if just to one man.

He thought back to the look on Motoki's face, and wished he hadn't said such things to his host. Such dedication to Kamekichi was admirable, even if it was just a turtle. Nephrite himself, even in exile, remained dedicated to Queen Beryl. Surely there were those (curse their feebleminded ignorance!) who would think Nephrite's dedication equally foolish. Queen Beryl, of course, was far superior to some base Earth reptile (curse anyone who thought otherwise!) but even so, it was not Nephrite's place to belittle Motoki's devotion.

Besides... Kamekichi was everything Motoki ever wanted, while the object of Nephrite's affection had banished him to a lifetime of human suffering. Perhaps Motoki was not the foolish one.

Something cold brushed Nephrite's arm. He yelped and bolted upright, twisting around as shivers ran up his spine. His eyes fell on a green and brown shell. A pair of beady eyes stared up at him from the mat.

* * *

Nephrite stood back and surveyed his handiwork. The fallen light fixture had been set aside. The broken glass had been swept up, and the aquarium patched with cardboard. When Motoki returned from wherever he'd gone searching, he'd find Kamekichi safe and unharmed, right where he belonged.

The note lying on the counter had taken some work. It was only two words, but it took a while for Nephrite to remember them, and he had had to look up the proper characters in a book.

_I'm sorry._

Nephrite picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. For a moment, his gaze met the eyes of the turtle in the patched aquarium.

"You're very lucky," the former Shitennou said quietly. Then he turned away and left Crown behind him.

* * *

The light changed. The Walk signal lit up. Nephrite stood motionless as the crowd stepped around him and headed across the street. So many people. Empty minds going about their empty lives. Useless, every one of them.

Except to the people who loved them.

As a Shitennou, Nephrite had always believed himself superior to ordinary humans. He had thought there was no greater insult than to be made one of them. Now he realized the full depth of the cruel thing Queen Beryl had done. Nephrite was not merely equal to the pathetic humans he despised; he was beneath them. Beneath even the animals the humans kept as pets.

Nowhere on this planet, nowhere in the universe was there anyone who loved him. Nephrite was alone, without master, family, or friends. Nowhere was there anyone who would care what he was about to do.

The light turned red. Cars began zipping by in front of Nephrite. He had nowhere to go. No one needed or wanted him, not even the woman he had given up everything to serve. There was nothing to hope for, no reason to struggle on anymore. Calmly, he waited for a gap in the traffic. Was this what Queen Beryl had intended all along? To keep her beautiful hands clean by driving Nephrite to spill his own blood?

The moment came. A brief pause between vehicles, and Nephrite stepped out in the path of an oncoming truck. He stood still and closed his eyes, waiting for the strike that would destroy his fragile human body, and for the sweet oblivion that would follow.

Something slammed into him from the side. Nephrite grunted and rolled across the pavement, another man's limbs and cries tangling with his own. Brakes screeched, voices shouted, and bright sunshine assaulted Nephrite's eyes as they popped open.

Motoki seized Nephrite by the arm and pulled him onto the grass, bowing apologies to the angry drivers yelling from their cars. As traffic resumed, Motoki collapsed beside the exiled Shitennou, gasping for air and shaking faintly.

"Scary!" Motoki burst out. "How many times do I have to tell you to wait until it turns green?"

"You told me to leave," Nephrite said, confused. "Why-"

"I didn't mean move out!" Motoki replied, grabbing Nephrite's bag of possessions and shaking it. "Damn, you're really something else, Nephrite."

"Don't call me..." Nephrite stopped. His name. Motoki grinned.

"We have to work on this, if we're going to be friends," he panted, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "There might not always be someone there to save you, and then where would Kamekichi and I be?"

"Friends...?"

Slowly, Nephrite smiled.

* * *

The End

* * *

"Beyond Measure" fanfiction copyright 2009 by Dejana Talis. Pretty Guardian Sailormoon and its associated characters and canon belong to Naoko Takeuchi and Toei. The text of this creative work was created by Dejana and is her exclusive property. Not to be used without permission. Sailor Moon Says: Don't steal! ^.^


End file.
